Mostly my mother has guided my hope. She is a strong woman who has had many trials in her life and been faced with needing hope to struggle through them. Her relationship with my father could not have gone as far it did without my mother’s hope of improvement. I see hope as a choice of how to live your life. It is the difference of looking at the glass half empty or half full. Having hope does not mean you have to fit into any other requirements of who you have to be or have in your life, but with hope, obstacles can be overcome. This first photo is of my family before the divorce.
I needed this hope most when my parents were going through a divorce and my sister responded by acting very violently towards me. I did not have many places to look for hope at this time but knew that I could not allow my spirit to be broken by what was going on to me and around me. Even though growing up my mother had always been an uplifting and hopeful woman, during this time she was very negatively affected and it was too damaging for her spirit to be a stronghold for my other sister and I. At this time my greatest source of hope was both God and my best friend’s family who had done an amazing job in being there for me during this time of my life. The weight of this hard time in my life pulled me far away from my faith, but this family was able to support me when I felt like I had nowhere to go. With the fear that my sister put in me from being so unpredictable and threatening I was unable to keep my school work together, or think about anything else other than avoiding what I was supposed to call “home”. There were times when I would return to my bed thrown upside down, or the contents of my desk, nightstand, dresser, and/ or closet thrown about. I understand the mentality and struggle my sister went through in needing to feel powerful and how by acting against me, someone smaller and passive, it was easy to get away with her actions when my mother did not have the strength for fighting for discipline. Even though I could try and make sense and justify her actions I felt that I had no sense of privacy or safety and can not explain the feelings of what it was like to return to my room and find it in shambles, or have the contents of my drink dumped on me and for my own sister to spit in my face simply because I walked in the door and she thought I shouldn’t be there. It was incredibly hard to hold on to any positivity during this time, and I am not trying to pretend I was hopeful throughout the entire experience, because I wasn’t. What I am saying is that holding on to a string of hope, and watching as that hope slowly grew as I would reach out for any reason to be hopeful was something that made me heal quicker and not dwell on all the negativity. Living in the upper-middle class neighborhood or Lake Oswego, Oregon situations like this were not present, let alone talked about. This second photo is of my best friend's mother, Mrs. Willis and I at the Dahlia Festival in Canby, Oregon.
My hope and peace was in the one place I could find security, my best friend’s house. Her family has been the most welcoming group of people I have met. I have felt like I have known them for years since the first time I stepped into their home. Where I was trapped and kept everything I was dealing with a secret from everyone else, they were the encouraging ones where I could release and feel that there was hope because I had their support and they would do everything they could for me. I don’t know what I would have done without them, but thank God every time I see them for giving me such a gift. At times when the police would be investigating my sister’s behavior and told me it would be best if I did not return “home” that night for my safety, me heart felt such relief and hope in knowing I was not left without a place to go, but that their family would open their arms to me.
For the future I aim to be able to continue to have hope grow in my life as I continue to go through trials. Professionally I think hope can be one of the most valuable beliefs to give someone, for them to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and a new beginning. Hope can be seen in many ways, but you can tell a dramatic difference between those who have not let go of hope and those who have. When working with people, especially in situations that Family and Human Services deals with, hope is a key ingredient for improvement. Studies of people who have been in prison or fighting a disease have shown that those who had hope were able to survive on their belief that life was going to get better. Those who gave up hope are left without a reason to live and giving up becomes too easy. By keeping hope a part of the way I live my life and display to others I pray that they will be able to see the chances for change and hope for a future as well.
